// THE VALLEY CHRONICLE EXECUTIVE DOSSIER: The Suit (Bradford ‘Brad’ Sterling, MBA) is a playable CEO archetype in Silly Con Valley. Starting Advantage: +25% Revenue. Strategic Liability: -10% Innovation (Boring). Innovation is acceptable, provided it fits neatly into an annualized quarterly projection.
THE SUIT
Bradford ‘Brad’ Sterling, MBA · Interim CEO & EBITDA Maximizer
“Innovation is acceptable, provided it fits neatly into an annualized quarterly projection.”
EXECUTIVE SUMMARY
A battle-hardened management consultant installed by nervous venture capitalists to bring ‘adult supervision.’ Replaces company culture with 2×2 matrices, KPIs, and cost-reduction synergies.
CONFIDENTIAL ORIGIN DOSSIER
Act I: The Scrappy Origins
Spent seven years at McKinsey creating 140-slide PowerPoint presentations that recommended firing middle management. Mastered the art of nodding solemnly while repeating the word ‘optimization.’
Act II: The Breakthrough Pivot
Recruited into Silicon Valley to rescue a flaming post-Series B scooter startup. Cut burn by 80% by firing the entire engineering team and outsourcing development to a firm he had never visited.
Act III: Silicon Valley Reality
Carries an iPad displaying real-time enterprise SaaS retention metrics. Replaces employee names with their annualized cost-per-seat and bans all whiteboards in favor of formatted Excel models.
MOTIVATIONS & WORLDVIEW
Core Drive: Extracting maximum predictable enterprise EBITDA for a private equity buyout.
Tech Philosophy: Software is just a financial asset with an unusually high payroll liability.
Greatest Fear: A spontaneous, unvetted idea that cannot be categorized in a risk matrix.
LEAKED SCANDALS & BOARDROOM RED FLAGS
- Renamed the office coffee station ‘Enterprise Caffeine Procurement Tier 1’ and charged per mug.
- Sent a 47-page memo requiring engineers to log toilet breaks as ‘Non-Billable Latency.’
- Successfully laid off the founders without realizing they held the root encryption keys.
SIGNATURE QUOTES
“Let’s not boil the ocean; let’s boil a puddle with high quarterly margin.”
“Ideas don’t scale; operational cadence scales.”
“I don’t need code to be beautiful. I need code to be amortizable.”
GAMEPLAY MECHANICS & STRATEGY
What is the starting advantage of The Suit?
+25% Revenue
What are the gameplay trade-offs for The Suit?
-10% Innovation (Boring)
What signature cards does The Suit start with?
Starting Cards: Synergy Matrix, EBITDA Squeeze, Corporate Restructure
