The Delaware Wall of Shame: 241 Registered Startups, Zero Profit

If you want to understand the modern tech economy, don’t read Forbes. Don’t listen to tech podcasts hosted by guys in fleece vests with ring lights. Just look at the state of Delaware.

Every founder with a half-baked slide deck and $500 in seed money rushes to Dover, Delaware to file corporate entity paperwork before they have even written a single line of functioning code. Why? Because that’s what real unicorns do.

Well, we recently hooked up live aggregated in-game simulation telemetry from Silly Con Valley directly onto our public Macroeconomic Forecast Terminal. And the data pouring in from our player cap tables is both glorious and completely unhinged.

05 // The Delaware Wall of Shame (241 Registered Ventures)

According to our live SEC 10-K telemetry ledger, players have officially registered over 241 unique corporate entities. While our algorithms automatically filter out boring test names, here is an unfiltered snapshot of what real human players are building:

• OpenAI (Closed) — Founded 14 separate times by cynical founders. None of them have open-sourced a damn thing.
• Ligma Ventures LLC — Incorporated with $50,000 in starting seed capital. Burned through all of it by Week 18 on executive cold brew.
• Wework’t — Leased an entire commercial floor in Coworking with $12 in the bank. Promptly evicted.
• BlackRock Bottom — Specializing in hostile takeovers and aggressive short-selling before defaulting on a loan shark.
• Salesfarce & Macrohard — Legacy tech giants reimagined with 80s California pixel-art grifts.

241 Companies. Exactly Zero Net Profit.

The beauty of the SCM-86 Macroeconomic Index is that it doesn’t lie. Out of 241 real player companies:

• Average weekly burn rate: $355,478 / week.
• Average runway lifespan: 72.4 weeks before insolvency.
• Mortality rate: 85.3% end in catastrophic Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

In our game, you don’t get participation trophies. You get sued by patent trolls, ghosted by Sand Hill Road partners, and bled dry by $20,000 advisors. But when your ridiculous parody startup actually pulls off a 10-Tier valuation run and rings the NASDAQ bell? There is no sweeter feeling in tech.

Check the live feed right now on our Macroeconomic Terminal to see if your company made the registry.

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